I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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