she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Need sex. Gaining weight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
