some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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