I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
