we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
