Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
