I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
