I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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