I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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