Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
