sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
