A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
