If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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