I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
