just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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