I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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