Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
