If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
