I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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