i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
