i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
