I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
