My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
