We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
