So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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