I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
