ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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