there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
