worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
