I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
