if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
