Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
