U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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