its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
