I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
