dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
