The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
