My liver just broke up with me...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
