it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
barbara walters just said penis...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
