You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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