UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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