is your mom at the bar?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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