Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
