Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
