Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
