I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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