So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
