I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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