You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
