i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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