Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
