it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
