Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
