found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
