I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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