You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
