Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
