Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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